Writing Labs

Writing Concisely

Clarity, conciseness and simplicity of word choice will make a difference in your writing, especially when the message is complex or the reader is uninformed. Conciseness does not necessarily mean brevity.

Too Full: The seminar participant, who could not attend the first two class sessions because of illness in the family and a heavy workload at the office and who asked if she could complete the assignments on her own time, was informed by the instructor that she was no longer eligible to receive a certificate of completion for this particular class but that she could enroll in the next class.

Concise: The participant was unable to attend the first two class sessions because of illness in the family and a heavy workload. When she asked if she could complete the assignments on her own time, the instructor told her that she was no longer eligible to receive a certificate but that she could enroll in the next class.

Wordy: There is no doubt but that she is the perfect candidate for the job.

Concise: She is the perfect candidate for the job.

Wordy: For fuel purposes, propane gas is utilized in tanks in outdoor gas grills.

Concise: Propane is used in gas grills.

Wordy: She departed in a hasty and quick manner.

Concise: She departed hastily Wordy: I was wondering if you have had enough time to review and consider my request for reevaluating the work of Juanita Perez so I can tell her whether or not she qualifies to fully complete the application for a job promotion that will promote her from her present level of administrative assistant to a new and higher job level of senior secretary.

Concise: Is Juanita Perez eligible to apply for a promotion?

Wordy: It is most likely a true fact that in spite of the fact that the educational atmosphere that surrounds our children is a very significant and a very important factor to each and every one of our children in terms of his or her personal and individual future development and growth, various different groups and people do not at all support certain tax assessments or tax increases at a reasonable and fair rate that are required for the one and only purpose and express intention of providing an excellent educational context at a decent level of quality.

Concise: Although quality education is important for our children, some people vote against tax increases for school improvements.

Challenge Exercise

Print this page and rewrite the following text in the space provided. Your goal is to make the text as clear and concise as possible.

We would like to call your attention and to the attention of others in your office to the fact that your report is overdue because the deadline was last Friday.
The document that you refer back to is not included in the sample documents that go to make up the enclosure.
The purpose of this memo is to provide a reference for all your staff members of the formats of various documents that go forward by transmission to headquarters.
The need for reports that have logic and are relevant is still great.
Your statement in your letter that has the contention that the information submitted and sent to you by us contained certain inaccuracies and errors has prompted us to embark on a careful and thorough reevaluation of the information submitted, with the result that the original informative data has been determined to be accurate and correct in all instances and aspects of the information.
In the event that some information concerning Mr. Smith should be brought to your attention, it should be forwarded via mail or courier or telephone to us in view of the possibility that the information may reveal any attempt on the part of Mr. Smith to depart from the United States.
First of all apologies for the delay in commencing the renovation project of your offices which was scheduled to start at the beginning of last month because the costs actually came in over and above the budget for the project, further negotiations had to be negotiated with the various contractors who are doing the work on the project and the extent of the work and the time table had to be reconsidered.

Possible Solutions